It’s SUMMERTIME, North American comrades!
(Sorry, Antipodeans. Your time will come.)

Answer me this: is there anything better than curling up in the shade of a bosomy cherry blossom tree with a stack of exquisite summer reading, a lavender-infused iced latte & nothing of consequence to do, other than luxuriate in a land of literary splendor? NO! Obviously not!

I’ve been roaring through new books like wildfire, lately — and I’m busting at the seams to share my summer favs with you.

Without further ado . . .

If you love HARRY POTTER, THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA & THE HUNGER GAMES — but wish they had more sex, drugs & clinical depression . . .

You’ll dig: THE MAGICIANS (and the sequel, THE MAGICIAN KING) by Lev Grossman

The hard-edged Wizard Academy in this book makes Hogwarts look like finishing school for feeble-kneed pansies. Get ready for epic quests, Narnia-esque animal guides, Matrix-inspired inter-world travel . . . & acrid young adult angst.

Warning label: The Magician King contains a high-fantasy demi-god rape scene (think: Leda & the Swan) which (while masterfully written) I found very, very uncomfortable to read.
Might be unpleasantly triggering for some people.

If you love INDIE ROMANTIC COMEDIES, complete with a cathartic sobfest in the final act . . .

You’ll dig: THE FAULT IN OUR STARS by John Green

It’s your classic boy-meets-girl coming of age story — except both of our heroes are teenagers with terminal cancer. And yet — their whirlwind courtship is unexpectedly sweet, effervescent & witty.

The book treats cancer with refreshing complexity — we get a backstage tour into a medical system full of determined (but frequently helpless) doctors, parents mourning their (living) children, and other messy complications.

It’s a potent reminder that Love is All — but that we don’t have all the time in the world.

If you love poetry by RUMI, amber-scented CANDLES, ECSTATIC DANCE & world MUSIC . . .

You’ll dig: THE SUBJECT TONIGHT IS LOVE by Hafiz

Khwāja Shamsu d-Dīn Muhammad Hāfez-e Shīrāzī (affectionately referred to as Hāfez, or Hafiz) was a 14th century Persian poet who liked to rattle off little ditties like:

One regret, dear world,
That I am determined not to have
When I am lying on my deathbed
Is that
I did not kiss you enough.

Yeah. It’s like that. Curl up with Hafiz, a chai tea & your Dreams.

If you love Tina Fey’s CRACKLING WIT & Margaret Cho’s RUTHLESS TRUISMS (but with a floral, girly edge) . . .

You’ll dig: IS EVERYONE HANGING OUT WITHOUT ME? (AND OTHER CONCERNS) by Mindy Kaling

You’ll recognize the cherubic Mindy Kaling from the hit TV show The Office (American remake, natch.) What you might not know is that she’s also one of the show’s lead writers — and a venerable sketch comedian, in her own right.

Her first book — a memoir-esque frolic through her adolescence, awkward NYC beginnings, and not-so-overnight rise to fame — is inspiring, giggle-tronic & charmingly humble.

Buy it for the aspiring comedienne in your life.

If you secretly have every episode of THE RED SHOE DIARIES recorded on Beta-Max, and think TWILIGHT was a fun romantic romp (but, like, totally UPTIGHT!) . . .

You’ll dig: THE FIFTY SHADES OF GREY Trilogy by E.L. James

I’ll give it to you straight: this is some Grade-A SMUT. No lofty literary qualities. No complicated psycho-spiritual concepts. No tricky vocabulary. Just champagne, private jets, fast cars, and exquisitely orchestrated sex scene . . . after sex scene . . .
after sex scene.

My advice? Buy all three books at once. Because you’ll roar through these bad-boys faster than you can say {insert safeword of your choosing}.

Happy reading, summer sprites!

And now, a brief word from our sponSOAR . . .

When Maryann Devine of Kindergarten Mind asked me if she could sponSOAR a post, my heart did a little cartwheel of glee. You see, Maryann is one of those rare & extraordinary grown-ups who never forgot how to play.

At Kindergarten Mind, Maryann helps creative tykes-trapped-in-big-kid-bodies reclaim their sense of wonder & possibility, nurture their (big, insane, just-maybe-GENIUS) ideas, and (GASP!) actually enjooooy the process of creating (instead of fast-forwarding to a fidgety outcome.)

Her latest invitation is WHY NOT NOW? — a small-group workshop that helps you move from ‘I’ve got this idea . . .’ to ‘holy snoogles, it’s HAPPENING!’ in only two weeks. Procrastinators? Perfectionists? Shmaybe Someday-ers? I’m looking at you.

The next session of WHY NOT NOW? begins on Monday, June 4th.
Summer lovin’ for your artistic intentions.

Grab your Crayolas — and claim a spot.

10 days ago, I went to my first heavy metal concert.

I know what you’re thinking: “But Alexandra, aren’t you the Empress of Gothic Decay & Satanic Revelry? Surely you spend the majority of your eventides head-banging & power-lunging with the best of them?”

It’s shocking, but no. This was a first.

And as Erika & I sipped our warmish beers (well, beer for me — Cosmo-esque fizzies for Ms. Lyremark) and watched Holy Grail straddle the stage, I was struck by two facts:

1. Heavy metal performers spend a whole lotta time in Warrior Two. Wonder if they do yoga?

AND

2. Sweet Jesus in leather! Now THAT’S confidence!

Heavy Metal Confidence is full-fucking OUT. Hair whipping. Legs splayed. Mile-high boots. Cuffs. Spikes. Charisma.

Heavy Metal Confidence equals visceral COMMITMENT. Phoning it in? Cutting corners? Slip-sliding by? Don’t think so.

Heavy Metal Confidence is the hot-to-trot cousin of Magnetic Clarity. Knowing who you are, what you’re capable of, and just how hard you can ROCK.

Most dazzling of all: Heavy Metal Confidence requires (tantalizingly) little preparation. Mastery, yes — but no micro-management. No memorization. No polishing. No artifice.

It’s animal. Pure presence. It just . . . is.

I want it. Don’t you?

A proposition:

The next time you’ve got to rock the house — the audience is thrashing, and the stakes are sky-high — consider an experiment in unbridled presence:

Under-prepare. Over-show up.

Your mettle is more than enough.

Photo credit :: Holy Grail. And how.

PS. Need a jolt of testosterone-fueled METAL this morning? Click here & watch. Entirely suitable for the workplace. Assuming your workplace ROCKS.

I’m 27 years old.

Old enough to have mastered the fundamentals of adulthood. Wise enough to know that I’ve still got a few missing stones in my pantheon of awesomery.

This list is one-part rallying cry to the universe — and one-part thorough reminder, to myself.
Buddha knows, I need it.

Because we’re ALL unfinished sculptures of excellence, yes?

27 WAYS TO BE AN (EVEN) BETTER PERSON:

1. Maintain a vigorous sense of perspective. 99.9% of the things that seem absolutely urgent, completely infuriating, massively critical & totally MANDATORY won’t matter (to you, or the universe) in 100 years.
Or even 100 days.

2. If your country is at war with another nation, make a concerted effort to be able to identify that nation on a map.

3. Learn to sit comfortably in silence.

4. Don’t go to life-altering concerts and spend the entire time peering through your smartphone & filming the proceedings.

5. When your mom wants to take your picture, let her. Even if you feel bloated, oily or disheveled. She doesn’t care. She loves you. Don’t harsh her mellow.

6. Pay attention to nuance.

7. Reign in the impulse to ‘fix’ everyone. Experiment with listening, nodding & not fixing.

8. Don’t be one of those people who is perpetually tardy, never has enough cash, chronically undertips, or straight-up flakes out. Just don’t.

9. Come bearing gifts. A bottle of wine. A potted orchid. Homemade currant-lemon scones. Genuine compliments.

10. Hand-written thank you notes. Always, always, always.

11. Don’t ignore (or lie to) volunteer fundraisers on street corners. Make eye contact. Be a human being. Tell them, “no, thank you.” Or my personal catch-all, “I respect the work you’re doing, but I prefer not to make financial decisions on street corners.”

12. Don’t whip out your smartphone for a surreptitious whirl through your incoming feed, when you’re socializing with (actual!) human beings. Who showered, dressed up & migrated across city blocks to be with you.

13. Know your limits. But transcend your limitations.

14. If you can’t remember the last book you read (because it was in junior high, and you just read the Cliffs Notes anyway) this is a problem. Remedy it.

15. Memorize (or write) one really good, solid toast. For weddings, bar mitzvahs & quinceañeras.
Or impromptu celebrations.

16. Stop calling people ‘retarded,’ when you mean ‘dim-witted.’

And if you slip up once or twice, express profound remorse. Thrice in one evening? Slap yourself across the face. Grandly & forcefully.

17. Don’t assume you’ll be on ‘the list’ when your friend has a event, or that you’ll eat for free at their cafe, or that you’ll get a stack of free books from their launch party. Pay. Pay double. Show up. Be supportive.

18. Be KINDER than seems necessary. And more GENEROUS than seems reasonable.

19. Don’t say you will, if you won’t.

20. Don’t leave cruel, irrationally mean-spirited comments on perfectly lovely blogs. If something dramatically irks you, craft an elegant, respectful email. Get it all out of your system. And then delete it. You’ve got far more important things to do, no?

21. Learn how to pronounce the names of unfamiliar vegetables.

22. Keep it classy.

23. Get to the bottom of your Jealousy. Don’t be oblivious to your insecurities (or desires).

24. Make no secret of your disappointment, if indeed you have been gravely disappointed. But create a ‘teachable moment’ out of your distaste. Be vocal, and constructive.

25. Have an OPINION. It’s SO refreshing!

26. Treat the elderly with a combination of respect, awe & fascination. Ask questions. Lean into the stories.

27. Leave everything — apartments, national parks, people’s hearts —
in better condition than you found them.

‘Shrinking Universe’ via :: Rufus & Rose

And now, a brief word from our sponSOAR . . .

Remember your high school career counselor?

The one with the awkward ‘motivational’ posters of soaring eagles & stupefied kittens adorning her office?

The one who told you to raise your GPA, enroll in a few more AP classes — and quit skipping gym, young lady?

She may’ve had a few solid points. But she wasn’t Sabrina Ali.

Sabrina Ali is the vocational strategist we all wish we had, back in high school. Inventive. Spiritual. Visionary. ENCOURAGING. And, y’know, flat-out gorgeous. Doesn’t hurt.

Sabrina is in the business of activating human potential – and she’s led workshops in Canada, the US, Malaysia, Sweden, Norway, Mexico, South Korea, Thailand, Singapore, and beyond. Her coaching framework is based on the FIRO Theory® — the same methodology used by the US Navy. Ahoy!

She believes that no one exactly like you has ever walked on this earth — and that every cycle of your career evolution needs to feel meaningful.

Her latest offering to the ‘verse is The Bliss Kit: a digital guide to authentic career creation.
It’s a downright massive collection of inspiring tools, PlaySheets & strategies to help you re-orient your career & create a life of purpose.

Whether you’re making $10 an hour flippin’ veggie burgers or $100K a year as a corporate honcho,
The Bliss Kit has a slice you can use. Buy the whole Bible — or just a $20 Byte.
And re-invigorate your vocation — this time, with feeling.

When you’re laser-lucid CLEAR on WHO you are & WHY you’re extraordinary, life gets a whoooole lot more fun.

Jobs come a-calling.
The media comes a-knocking.
Opportunities gracefully sink into your lap.
Clients genuflect on your doorstep.

True clarity is dazzlingly rare . . . and completely mesmerizing.

When you’ve got it, you get what you want.
And a few things you never knew you wanted.
But do now.
And how.

True story: I came into some major-laser clarity recently, when (during an inverted yoga pose, you know how it goes) I realized that a HUGE part of my work on the planet is to help people get vibrantly clear on what makes them (beyond) valuable . . . and (finally!) find the words to sing it, sell it, and swirl it all around.

MAGNETIC CLARITY. That’s my magic. And my gift. So I made a wee-book about it.

3 Questions To Get MAGNETIC CLARITY
. . . on your (real) expertise, your signature dance moves, and the results you can undeniably promise.

It’s all sparkly & luxey hot. Like a sun-baked disco ball.

And it’s my insta-gift to you — when you jump on my mailing list.

Subscribe, plz

First Name:

Last Name:

Email:

 

(Already on my list? MAGNETIC CLARITY is already in your inbox. Boom shaka laka.)

Go get CLEAR.
And report back to basecamp.
I lust for your self-illumination.

One week ago . . .

I posted 8 things I’ve learned about life, the universe & everything — from 80+ life coaches.

And then I got to thinking (a dangerous pastime, I know) about all the overlooked niches & missed opportunities for aspiring coaches.

Everyone needs a ‘hook’, right? A zingy core of uniquity that really sets ‘em apart from the squabbling masses? So why become just another Life Coach (ho, hum) when you could become . . .
. . . an Eternal Life Coach? Or a D&D (Martha Beck-certified) Dungeon Master Coach?
Now we’re talking! HA!

If you’re on the prowl for an unmistakable angle for your coaching business, feel free to pluck one of these ideas. And feel free to send me 15% of your annual profits. PayPal is fine.

Instead of becoming a LIFE COACH, why not become a . . .

1. Basic Life Skills Coach. Mentor your clients in the delicate arts of changing a tire, cleaning a mucky stove, filing taxes in a timely fashion, and writing prompt thank you notes! Foster a generation of bonafide grown ups! Change the world, one properly-separated laundry basket at a time!

2. Mediocrity Life Coach. Take your life from ‘fairly awful’ to ‘pretty OK’, in just twelve moderately action-packed weeks! And discover that (almost) anything is possible, when you (sort of) believe in yourself!

3. Life Coach for Life Coach’s Life Coaches. Why coach ‘civilians’, when you could go straight to real source of social change: as a life coach for other life coach’s life coaches!

4. Reality-check Coach. For starry-eyed clients who’ve been thoroughly overpumped by overeager coaches, and need to be reminded that you can’t actually quit your job & start a community-funded unicorn sanctuary, glitter grotto & candyfloss atelier. With actual unicorns.

5. Gothic Life Coach. Not everyone wants ebullient pep talks & actionable to-do’s & accountability check-points! Perhaps your ideal clients would be better served by Edgar Allen Poe quotations, despondent musings, and a poetic grasp on the frailty & futility of life.

6. Second Life Coach. See also: World of Warcraft Guild Coach, Live-Action-Role-Playing Coach, Dungeons & Dragons (Martha Beck-certified) Dungeon Master Coach.

7. The Facts of Life Coach. For people’s whose slacker parents never sat them down to ‘splain the birds & the bees.

8. Eternal Life Coach. Teen vampires have self-esteem obstacles, too! Also: trendy!

9. ‘Such is Life!’ Coach. No goal-setting. No milestones. No results-driven mind-shifting methodology. Just plenty of ennui, weary sighs & exasperation. Defeatism is the new Fulfillment! C’est la vie!

10. Born Again Life Coach. Fairly self-explanatory.

11. Catchphrase Coach. “BAM!” “Book ‘em, Danno” “Danger, Will Robinson” “Tastes great! Less filling!” If you don’t have a signature catchphrase to anchor your life & career strategy, do you really have a snowball’s chance in hell? At anything?

12. Hypothetical Relationship Coach. Relationships are complicated. But d’you know what’s even more complicated? Hypothetical relationships — like your relationship with the cute girl on the bus who may or may not have given you a ‘knowing’ glance, last Tuesday. Or the Twitter follower who’s unusual exclamation point (!) may or may not have been meant in a flirtatious fashion. So many variables! Clarity, please!

13. Slice of Life! Coachery & Artisan Bakery. Combine your twin passions for personal development & gourmet pastry preparation in a thriving local business! Swing by for a radical life design session — with a warm almond croissant! (Side-note: this idea is actually pretty awesome. Somebody do it. Please.)

I trust I have left you thoroughly inspired.
Here’s to your swift & staggering success!

(But seriously, folks . . . )
A word to all my rising star entrepreneurs:

If you’ve been tracking me for a hot minute, you probably know that my VELOCITY sessions are my core bread ‘n butter — the pulse of my business.

You might also know that I tend to get booked like a crook — up to six months in advance.

You might’ve been toying with the notion of playing with me, for months — maybe a year. Or more.
And waiting for just the right moment. The convergence of YES.

If a full day of strategic wordsmithing for your business sounds like ten birthday parties in a bucket,
you might want to lean in . . .

. . . because as of this moment, I’ve got exactly 15 VELOCITY slots remaining, for the rest of 2012.

15 playdates — in October, November & early December.
And that’s all she wrote. (Heh. Punny.)

I’m not into artificial urgency, but the reality is this: if you want one of the open slots, let me know.
Purdy soon. And we’ll lock down a date — before they’re all spoken for.

After all — your Slice of Life! Coachery & Artisan Bakery webcopy isn’t going to write itself. ♡

“OMG, that pedicure like, CHANGED MY LIFE.”
“These bacon-wrapped dates are CHANGING MY LIFE.”
“Have you heard of the band Cuddle Magic? CHANGED MY LIFE.”

Yes. I know. I frivolously fling the phrase “CHANGED MY LIFE” around, as if nail polish & gourmet snacks & indie rock music actually have the capacity to alter my personal destiny in some fundamental way. I’m quite aware that I’m ridiculous. And I’m also vividly, even cynically aware that our lives are rarely, like, changed. By anything. Or anyone. Not dramatically, anyway.

So when something — or someone — really DOES change your life, it’s worth noting.
And celebrating.

Danielle LaPorte — bestselling author, spiritual hotshot, business strategist extraordinaire, friend, mentor & former client — actually changed my life, livelihood & legacy. To the core. No metaphor.

Danielle believed in me — and hired me — back when I was thoroughly wet behind the ears.

: She taught me the ins & outs of rocking the online ‘verse & writing (mo’ better) language, that sells.
: She drilled the ultimate secret to success into my heart & soul: ‘do what you say you’re going to do’.
: She gave me a backstage tour of her empire — from social media strategy, to guest-posting & visibility, to a bonafide meeting with her NYC publishing team.
: She handed me her goddamn WordPress log-in details (the ultimate display of trust & respect.)

Under her Canadian wings of glory, I found my footing.
I’m grateful. Forever & a day.

And TODAY, Danielle’s new book — The Fire Starter Sessions — hits the shelves. (duh, buy it, obviously, sheesh. And if you order this week, you get fancy treats.)

In honor of Danielle’s new book, I’d intended to post a video heralding my love & appreciation. So I recorded one. Slightly drunk. And very weepy. Then I recorded another one. Sober. With bad lighting. T’was not meant to be.

So instead, I wrote a very fast, very bad poem. Because poetry is kinda like pizza — even when it’s sloppy, sweaty & awful, it’s still gooood.

Without further ado . . .

An Ode to LaPorte

“Enthusiasm means
to be possessed by a God.”
She says
Husky-low & slow
And everyone falls over
flips, keels
Stilettos to the sky
Say no more.
We’re all Gods now.

Midnight oil
Manic prose
And un-cool delight.
She taught me
that astrologists
know when to launch –
And that lipgloss
is a form of
divine preparation.

No pristine balance
Just pure devotion
And somehow
fame & fortune
swing into motion.

She writes
and thousands lean in

She speaks
and we awaken, in unison

She believes
that you’re bigger
than BIG
and hotter
than HOT
and you fill the sky
with your rising fire

Big hair. Gold pants.
Gliding away from the clamoring fans
Sitting with me (!)
Like I’m some kinda star
That’s how I will always
remember Danielle.

Go buy The Fire Starter Sessions for yourself,
and everyone you love.

Go find your own defiantly individualistic variety of White Hot Truth.

Go be a life-changer.

Love you, D. Crazy cosmic hugs from Minneapolis.

xo.

Photo credit :: Sheri Koop.

“All our final decisions are made in a state of mind
that is not going to last.”
– Marcel Proust

We’ve all plodded through the dense fog of indecision. Sometimes, the fog descends for an hour. Sometimes, for a quarter-century. Or a lifetime. Sometimes, we become so accustomed to ambivalence that we forget what it feels like to choose. The clean, slicing pleasure of this, not that. Him, not her.
Here, not there.

If you’re unhappily wrestling with ever-growing columns of pros & cons . . . with complexity, uncertainty
and doubt . . . with self-imposed pressure, anxiety & fear . . . or the bland, butter-knife edge of procrastination . . . here’s a thought: just make a choice. Any choice. It will be imperfect. Life usually is. But often, a step in any direction is better than spinning in place.

Behold: 7 ways to choose — today. Something. Anything. Now.

1. Hang upside down.

Inverting your body — by swinging your head between your knees, propping yourself up in a headstand, or simply laying flat on your back with a slight backwards tilt — increases blood flow to the brain.

More blood means more oxygen. And more oxygen means more neurotransmitters — like norepinephrine (attention!), dopamine (memory! motivation! assessment!) and serotonin (happiness!) — flooding your system.

All the power-chemicals you need to sift through your options. So flip it. And figure it out.

2. Talk to your mom.

According to a study at the University of Wisconsin, simply hearing your mother’s voice has a calming effect, releasing bursts of oxytocin (love! connection! security!) into your system, just like a hug or spoontastic cuddle.

And it doesn’t matter what you’re talking about — just hearing mama’s dulcet tones is enough to trigger the all-natural happy-drugs. So call mom. Calm down. And choose.

3. Anchor yourself.

Some of the wisest & most decisive people I know have an Anchor Question that drives all of their choices.

Rachel Cole asks, “What am I truly hungry for?”

Dyana Valentine asks, “What are my super-conditions for greatness?”

Danielle LaPorte asks, “How do I want to feel?”

I’ve started asking, “How can I ASTONISH myself, today?”

Find your Anchor. And hold on tight. It’ll never lead you astray.

4. Go to your worst-case scenario.

If you’re an incorrigible worrywart, take yourself to the darkest possible outcome of your imminent decision. The literal, actual WORST thing that could happen.

It’s rarely as bleak as you think. It’s (probably) highly unlikely. And with very few exceptions, everything is survivable. You’ve got this. No question.

5. Consult a mystic.

If doesn’t matter if you ‘believe’ in destiny, past lives, parallel planes, angels, spirit-guides or G-O-D.
All that matters is that you’re open to exploring symbols, patterns & signs.

Talking to a gifted intuitive can unlock new ideas, illuminate repetitive thought patterns & shed light on fresh possibilities. And any mystic worth his (or her) salt will adamantly remind you that your fate is entirely in your own hands — and that you’re more powerful than you realize.

6. Shock & awe yourself.

If you’re uninspired by your current menu of options, go rogue. Choose something counter-intuitive — against your very nature. Break convention. Baffle the crowd. Surprise yourself.

If you’re a selfless, service-driven angel of mercy, play against character. Choose something selfish, decadent & wildly nurturing. Just for kicks.

If you’re a self-lovin’ pleasure-driven machine, flip it & reverse it. Choose something generous, expansive, and thoroughly outside yourself. Mix it up.

It’s riotously powerful to make a decision that rattles your Cool.
You never know where it might lead . . .

7. When all else fails — be relentlessly random.

Flip a coin. Throw the dice. Ask a stranger. Ask a madman. Write all of your options on helium balloons, and see which one hits the ceiling first. Read the clouds. Read the tea leaves. Read an ink blot. Twist an apple core. Spin a globe. Pluck petals off a daisy.

Almost-completely-always, it’s more important to choose SOMETHING — to un-stick, to roll forward,
to swing into action — than to choose RIGHT. Side bonus: once you’re in motion, you’re more likely to figure out what’s right. Process of elimination. It works.

And then, there’s the most grounding remembrance of all: that very few decisions are irrevocable.

So choose NOW. With the grand reassurance that you’re only choosing . . . for now.

“I chose and my world was shaken. So what?
The choice may have been mistaken — the choosing was not.
You have to move on.”
– Stephen Sondheim

‘Looking for myself through the pane’ by :: Christina B.

And now, a brief word from our sponSOAR . . .

When I need to make a decision — and I need a celestial pep talk to get it poppin’ — there’s only one woman I call: Theresa Reed, aka The Tarot Lady.

Theresa believes that Tarot is far from swoopy, loopy, woo-woo frivolity — it’s a powerful empowerment tool for confident decision-making & communication, and it’s all about the magic of choosing your future.

Theresa is to Tarot what Yo-Yo Ma is to the cello. The gold-standard of excellence — a consistent virtuoso.

Theresa does readings over the phone, via email & in-person — if you’re fortunate enough to live in her ‘hood. And between you, me & the Internet — she could triple her rates this instant, and she’d still be a remarkable steal.

There’s really nothing more to say.
Buy a reading for yourself — or a gift reading for a friend. And prepare for a bolt of cosmic clarity.

True story: I’ve worked with more than 80 coaches.

(Not as a client. Sweet Kwanzaa-sauce. NOBODY needs that much coaching.)

I’ve written bios & manifestos & media kits & speaking gig run-downs & legal disclaimers & personal intros & networking scripts & mastermind invites & Twitter blurbettes for . . . Life coaches. Business coaches. Relationship, sensuality & intimacy coaches. Communication coaches. Social media coaches. Metaphysical coaches. Weight loss coaches. Parenting coaches. Athletic coaches. Martha Beck-certified Master coaches. Self-declared coaches. And every coachette in between.

I’d estimate I’ve spent about 1,000 hours interviewing, channeling & collaborating with coaches.
Getting their soul’s work on (digital) paper. Mining for their power-gems. Sorting & sifting out their hopes, desires & refined philosophies.

And after 1,000 hours or so, you’re bound to pick up a few teachable tidbits. Unless you’re dead asleep.

Here’s what I’ve learned about life, the universe & everything (apologies to Douglas Adams) —
from some of the finest & most devoted coaches in the industry. Soak it up.

1. It’s usually not what you think.

You think you want a quarter-million dollar book deal, a show on The Oprah Winfrey Network, a glam NYC agent & 10 million Twitter followers.

You might actually just want a word of approval from your mom. Or a humble but steady flow of clients, and every June & December off. Or a quaint home in Vermont, with your own maple grove. Or a dog.
Or (gasp!) a lovely, lucrative JOB. With benefits.

The most obvious & shiny desire is often a decoy . . . for something simpler, quieter & more nourishing.

2. Except when it is.

And then sometimes, you really DO want a quarter-million dollar book deal, a show on The Oprah Winfrey Network, a glam NYC agent & 10 million Twitter followers. And that’s OK, too.

Go BIG, if big is what’s (genuinely) calling. Big is beautiful.

3. It’s all been done before.

News flash-o-la: you’re not going to be the first person on earth to write an e-book. Or launch a program. Or open a shop. Or read Tarot cards. Or teach a class on bicycle repair. Or screen-print a set of charmingly cheeky greeting cards. It’s ALL been done before.

But not — and this is important — in precisely the way that you’ll do it.

4. Except when it hasn’t.

Sometimes, you really are FIRST. First on the moon. First on the floor. First to leverage a new social media platform. First to hand-sew plush robot toys. First to sprinkle sea salt on caramel. First to think that thought.

Being first is a thrill. And if it happens once in your lifetime, you’re blessed. And brilliant.
Don’t grumble when others crush & swarm to follow in your footsteps. Handle your first-i-ness with grace. And move on.

5. Investments pave the way.

Remember Albert Einstein’s definition of insanity? “Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

If you’re not seeing the results you want, you’ve got to change something — your daily routine, your diet, your marketing strategy, your hairstyle, your habits, your hardwired & negatory beliefs. Anything.

Changing your life means changing where & how you invest your resources — your time, your attention, your energy, and your money.

Change your investments. Create new results.

6. Devotion saves the day.

Sometimes, we invest & re-invest & re-invest — and still don’t receive the rewards we desperately crave.

DEVOTION — complete, unwavering commitment & love — is what carries us through the dry times, and keeps us anchored during the high times.

You’ve got to be madly, profusely, actively & unconditionally in LOVE with your work.
Especially when it’s not going well.

7. Fear is the root of all stagnation.

Can’t get moving? Perpetually procrastinating? Diverting your energy? Stagnating? Blocked? Blue? Misaligned? If you peel back the psychological topography — of anyone, really — what you’ll find is a tender, tightly-coiled bud of fear.

Fear of investing, and not seeing any rewards (see #5). Fear of public shame. Fear of abandonment. Fear of poverty. Fear of the precise thing you (think) you want most (see #1).

Fear doesn’t like to be discovered & named. Because then it has to justify its existence.
And it usually flunks the test.

8. Luck is no accident . . .

. . . and it’s magnetically drawn to DEVOTION (see #6).

Serendipity happens. Magic abounds. Allies are everywhere. Muses proliferate.

And with a smile, a tool or a sweet word of wisdom, you can be a Beacon of Luck, for everyone you touch. You can add to the Love in the world. You can take someone’s breath away, on a regular basis.

What better way to spend this magnificent & mysterious life?

‘Highway Wildflowers’ by Stacey Meacham.

Post-script & side-note . . .

238 of you completed my super-posh survey, a few weeks ago. I read every single response.
I laughed. I cried. I knitted my brows. I marveled at your collective wit & whimsy. Thank you x a million.

And as promised, I’ve selected one survey cadet for a 60-minute one-woman think tank throwdown, with me. Ms. Sonora Bravo, you’re the One. Like Neo. There’s an email waiting in your inbox.
Let’s do this.

Spoiler alert!

This is an excerpt from my forthcoming wee-book, 100 Ways To Play With Yourself: How to be hilarious, whip-smart & sexy.

Enjoy!

1. Rescue an Endangered Language.

Only 100 people on earth speak Atzingo Matlatzinca, or pjiekak’joo — the indigenous language of the Matlatzinca people in the southern part of Mexico.

What if YOU made it 101?

There’s a peculiar pleasure & power in studying a language that’s destined for extinction. Like you’re keeping a wisp of ancient wisdom alive. And, learning a new language literally increases your brain density. Too groovy.

Want to study Gaelic, Kannada, Marathi or Lithuanian?
Curate your own curriculum with a local (or virtual) language teacher, at Language-School-Teachers.com.

2. Brush up your bio.

Everyone needs a spiffed-up, well-written, captivating bio.
Even if it’s only for ego-boosting purposes.

Try my 5 cheat-a-licious tricks to spruce up your half-baked bio. And then proudly promenade your new wordage on your Facebook profile, website, blog, or in your upcoming holiday newsletter. Hello, YOU.

3. Dive into Dekaaz.

Dekaaz is a new poetic form, created by vibralinguist, choral activist & singer Rachel Bagby. It’s similar to a haiku: clean, sparse & elegant, with a total of 10 syllables: 2 in the first line, 3 in the second, and 5 in the last.

how now
shall we live?
ten syllables strong

Try: writing your weekly ‘to do’ list in Dekaaz. Negotiating with your car insurance rep in Dekaaz. Calling your local legislator & voicing a political protest in Dekaaz. Feel your brain streeeeetch as you revel in the rhythm.

4. Take an impromptu writing vacation.

Tell all your friends, “Sorry, can’t do brunch. I’m writing a BOOK.”

Then check into a B&B, teepee, ashram, seedy motel or 5-star resort . . . lock the door . . . pour a glass of carrot juice, Jameson, black coffee, whatever . . . and write. Till it’s not fun anymore.

5. Expand your vernacular.

According to the BBC, most people know about 35,000 words. Dictionary-worshippers & English professors know 50,000 — or more. But we only use about 3,000 words on a regular basis. The rest fall into our ‘passive vocabulary.’ Inert, and all-but-forgotten.

What if we actually exercised our full vocabularies, every year? The world would be a lot less awesome and a lot more hellacious. Which, in my opinion, would be downright propitious.

So: Sign up for the Dictionary.com Word of the Day newsletter. It’s a salutary addition to your morning routine!

6. Turns words into grain.

Play the vocabulary game at FreeRice.com. For every answer you get right, Free Rice donates 10 grains of rice to hungry families in developing regions, through the United Nations World Food Programme.

Digital philanthropy for word-freaks & English geeks. Get into it.

7. Register for NaNoWriMo.

(That’s National Novel Writing Month, natch.) It’s a FREE lovefest for aspiring novelists, with daily word-count markers to keep you moving, and tons of encouragement from peers (and authors you idolize).

I did it a few years ago, and cranked out a full-length novel about a Selkie man who returns to Scotland to find his father, but falls in love with a faerie-woman (of course). It was abundantly awful (the book, not NaNoWriMo). But seriously fun.

8. Prowl through Your Big Beautiful Book Plan.

If you’re jonesing to land a literary agent & a traditional book deal, this is the creative Bible you’ve been searching for. You’ll find a slew of brilliant author interviews (featuring yours truly, as the esteemed question-popper), practical finish-line tips, a plug ‘n play book proposal template & more.

Think of it as a multi-media companion for your literary voyage — from the braincloud stage, to the proposal, to your gold-star marketing campaign, and beyond. Bravo!

9. Get to the root.

Grab a copy of the idiomatic handbook, Why Do We Say It?: The Stories Behind the Words, Expressions and Cliches We Use. And find out where common parlances of the people like “hot potato” and “heard it on the grapevine” and “speak of the devil” originally sprang from.

You’ll be the etymological star of your next potluck or cocktail soiree!

10. Be deliberately decisive.

Just as an experiment, remove all indecisive language from your repertoire, for 24 hours.
Slice words & phrases like . . .

maybe // possibly // could // perhaps // I might // I ‘spose // I guess // I reckon // I think // I dunno

. . . and replace them with definitive, steel-plated statements. Or say nothing at all.

See who you become, when your words refuse to waffle.

Want the whole wee-book, the minute it’s ready?
Get on my list. And bring a friend.

Subscribe, plz

First Name:

Last Name:

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So here’s how it is.

I block out ten days for a vacation-eque family traipse-a-thon. No client sessions. No phone calls.
No autographs, please.

It’s a glorious joy-romp of gold-star theater, heart-wrenching films, Iron Chef-worthy meals, and leisurely frolics from this locally-owned artisanal eco-boutique, to the next. There’s yoga. Massages (plural).
A long-overdue splurge on some impeccable shoes. And nature, in that soul-stirring tilt from winter to spring — clawed footprints in the frost, a mysterious water reservoir, moss running rampant,
rustling in the trees . . .

. . . and most of the time, my mind is present, delirious and grateful. This is EPIC LEISURE, as my mentor would say. This is why we become entrepreneurs. For this kind of freedom & presence & space.

And then, without fail, the Transactional Whispers begin:

“I’m so glad I’m seeing this incredible play, because I bet it’ll give me a fantastic idea for a blog post.”

“I’m so happy I’m meeting this extraordinary artist for dinner, because I’m counting on collecting some teachable moments for my next client.”

“I’m so proud of myself for taking so much time off, because I’m trying to position myself as an expert on self-expression & play, and this totally enhances my credibility.”

I know. Exactly. Ewwwwwww.

Transactional Thinking can be a pretty joyless state.
But we do it ALL the time.

“I’m getting cozy with this A-list blogger, and she’s asked me to review her new book — which is great, because it means I can ask her for a plug in her upcoming newsletter.”

“I’ve been a really good friend to so-and-so lately, and she kinda owes me for this-and-that, so if I flake out just this once (or twice), it won’t matter.”

“I don’t really want to be at this posh event, but if I get spotted by a street fashion photographer & get a photo online, it’d be terrific for my web traffic.”

It’s a slow-dripping soul-sap. When people say they ‘hate networking’ and ‘can’t stand marketing’,
it’s because they’ve been cultivated to expect a relentless barrage of highly-rigid Transactional Thinking — their own, and other people’s.

It’s exhausting. Enough.

So here’s the tricky business.

We slip into Transactional Thinking because the reality is that LIFE — society, our culture, the world economy — is, in fact, transactional. There’s a rubric of assumed reciprocity that anchors our relationships. And when it gets jostled out of place, we get angry. We feel violated. It feels, like . . . thoroughly un-cool.

But. but but but. The High Holy BUT.

The secret to mindfulness, presence, happiness, resilience, immense creativity & all the things we pray & yearn for . . . is to move through the world as if every transaction is a playful, fluid game —
with surprising, flexible outcomes.

Think –
Pliant agreements, not formal contracts.
Serendipitous rewards, not stern IOUs.
High aspirations, without expectations.
– No meddlesome micro-plotting required.

Save the dotted line & licensed notary for your real estate dealings.
Let everything else . . . limber UP.

Rose & skull by :: Paul Alexander Thornton.

And now, a brief word from our sponSOAR . . .

Does it seem odd-ish to follow up a post on playful, fluid transactions with a call-to-action to hustle your derrière off? It might be . . . if today’s sponSOAR was anyone other than Her Majesty Erika Lyremark.

Erika brings a devilish glee to all of her training programs, and Hu$tle Your Business Boot Camp is no exception. You’ll find challenges, games, prizes & ribald camaraderie throughout the 8-week romp.

And you’ll learn — once & for all — that pro-actively sharing your gifts with the world is not grabby, gross or greedy. Because no one can do what you do, in precisely the way that you do it. And if you don’t divulge your talents, who will?

Hu$tle Your Business Boot Camp kicks off on April 29th —
– and this is the last session Erika will be offering till August.

So carpe diem, ladies & gents. And have a ball.