We live a great portion of our lives online.
We flirt, and tweet. We chat, and Skype. We hire, and fire. We make announcements. We tell our stories. We make requests — and ask for support, for promotion, for advice, for special favors.
Some are well-versed in the art of the Ask. These people get what they want.
Others make requests with an air of entitlement, absurd urgency or lack of common sense.
These people hear a lot of NO’s. And not the graceful, compassionate kind.
The please-leave-before-I-have-a-petite-aneurysm kind.
I’ve been on both sides of the ol’ Asking Fence, innumerable times. And I’ve observed a few common threads of grave annoyance, that I can’t bear to see continue.
This post is not intended to be mean-spirited, nit-picky or nay-sayery. Quite the opposite.
I YEARN for you to have everything you want. I’m ROOTING for the world to say YES to your needs. Thusly, it is with SUPREME HOPE for a less irritating (and more productive) future that I present my findings…to you.
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Unfortunate Scenario #1: The “Urgent Deadline”
HOW TO BE ANNOYING :: Request a guest post, interview, or contribution for your special telesummit, blog feature, e-book, compendium…with an “urgent deadline” of less than 2 weeks away.
REALITY-CHECK :: People are busy. Schedules are brimming. Paid work takes priority, so unless you’re a bosom buddy or blood relative, give a wide berth. One month’s notice is civil and respectful, for freebie contributions.
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Unfortunate Scenario #2: The Anonymous E-Blast
HOW TO BE ANNOYING :: Send out an impersonal (and unsolicited) email requesting promotional support for your new “21-step Guide To Blah-Be-Dee-Bloo” that begins, “Hey, Bloggers…”
MASS BLASTS BLOW :: If you’re aiming for an enthusiastic “YES,” write a personal note, with an actual name, and include some kind of indication that you give a damn about the human being you’re contacting. As one astute comrade put it, “one paragraph of sucking up, followed by your request.”
Try this, instead:
“Hey there, #name#.
Big fan here. I LOVE your work, your products, your whole vibe. Your recent post on homelessness in Los Angeles made me cry. Side-note: I’ve created a program, and I gotta be honest — you were a big part of my inspiration. A free copy is attached, and I’ve thanked you in the Acknowledgements section, on the final page. Hope it makes you blush.
Enjoy to the fullest.”
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Unfortunate Scenario #3: Supreme Laziness
HOW TO BE ANNOYING :: Treat people like your personal Google butlers.
“I remember you wrote an article about saving money while backpacking to Budapest, but golly gee willikers, I just can’t find it!”
C’MON, NOW :: Virtually all websites & blogs have search fields, and barring that, there’s this new thing called Google. If you’re really, truly flummoxed, write a sugar-dusted fan letter, and THEN ask for help.
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Unfortunate Scenario #4: Presumptuous Time-wasting
HOW TO BE ANNOYING :: Contact a service provider (with clearly articulated packages & offerings, detailed in full on their website) and say something like…
“I see that you offer a weekend-long coaching retreat, but could I just book you for, like, a half-hour?”
UH, HELLO? :: If said service provider wanted to offer their services in dramatically shorter, cheaper increments, chances are, they’d say so. And while it’s possible they’ve got a “secret bargain deal” bubbling on the backburner, it’s far more likely you’ll hear a terse “NO.” Wouldn’t you?
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Unfortunate Scenario #5: The Ol’ Follow up (and up. and up. and up.)
HOW TO BE ANNOYING :: Persistently “check-in,” “circle back” and “poke,” past the point of reason.
“Hey, I’m just circling back on my reminder note from yesterday, where I was following up on last week’s check-in note to see if you might be interested in participating in my 100-day Blog Challenge.”
OH, SWEETHEART :: If the initial answer is “maybe, let me think about it” and the second answer is “silence,” it’s time to quit while you’re ahead, and mooooove on. Poking & prodding rarely does any good, and your time is better spent approaching someone new.
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Unfortunate Scenario #6: Excessive Quid Pro Quos
HOW TO BE ANNOYING :: Outline strict, stingy & vaguely insulting demands, before you deign to bless the person you’re contacting with the item in question.
“We’ll send you a free toaster, IF you agree to review it on your site and send a dedicated email to your list. And we will require a link back to our site, featured prominently in your sidebar, for a minimum of 30 days.”
MUCH BETTER ::
“We’d LOVE to send you a free toaster, and if it rocks your world & tickles your fancy, a review, tweet or even just a note of feedback would be FANTASTIC. No pressure, of course. Thanks in advance!”
* * *
Think it through. Keep it personal.
Carry yourself gracefully — online & off.
“Please Stop” via Six To Start.
* * *
Hey-o! Time for the ol’ mailing list tango.
In a matter of days, my old digital mailing list will go BOOM. As in, destruction, ashes, smoke.
A new mailing list is rising like a Phoenix, from its place.
Wanna jump on it? Here’s the spot.
UNLESS…you’re seeing this missive, via email.
If that’s the case, Halt! Stop! Do not pass go! CLICK HERE to subscribe, instead–on the web. Muah.
So important. So necessary. I’m thinking this post is reason enough to bring The Self-Promotion Toolbox out of retirement. Maybe it’s a good welcome gift for folks who jump into Aweber with you? I mean, truly. The world needs it! xo
P.S. I lovelovelove how the toaster keeps showing up!
Heh heh. Good list! SOO glad I didn’t recognize myself! ;+)
Just what I need to read today as I go around and ask for some help with a mirco finance project that I love and support. Thank YOU so much.
L’Erin :: I might have a toast fetish. I’m seeking counseling.
SHARON :: Even if you had… awareness is the first step to recovery!
NASRINE :: Beautiful. Hope you get precisely what you need!
Like Sharon, part of my reaction was, “Phew!”, part groaning in recognition from emails I’ve received, and part grim giggles. :-)
Smart, sharp (in the best possible sense) and no, not at all mean-spirited.
I’ve made some of those mistakes in the past and no doubt will make some of them (or other new ones) again in the future, which is what makes me more tender than I might otherwise be when I now get approached in those ways. I’ve even spent time writing back to explain to people why their request is likely to meet with more noes than it should. But from now on, I may just direct people here.
Maybe you could add something about doing the work for people, make it as easy as possible. e.g. Write a simple para they can use in their newsletter, a status update for Facebook or 140 chars for Twitter. Pre shorten the links for them. Pre-size the photos. Then ask with love, respect and no expectations. You might be amazed who will say yes.
Thank you!
MARIANNE :: I concur! A huge part of getting a joyful “YES!” from people is doing the legwork for them. Excellent reminder.
Thank you, thank you for this post.
It actually came in really handy last week when someone asked me to do a guest post for their site. I’m so new at this whole website/blogging/business thing, that I thought “OMG What a great opportunity, I’d better go home and write it RIGHT NOW ( even though I have a billion other things that need doing first…)”.
Instead, I remembered this post, and your suggestion that one month is a respectable amount of time.
PHEW.
I let him know I’ll have it to him in about 2 weeks, and it felt really good saying that with the confidence that I wouldn’t be brushed off because I didn’t submit it IMMEDIATELY.
xo