Let’s talk about PHILANTHROPY, in all its incarnations. I’ll start.

Do I give? Sure I give. And I’ll tell you precisely to whom.

:: I make monthly contributions to the American Civil Liberties Union, and quarterly contributions to GEMS Girls (I’ve committed to giving GEMS 5% of my income, in 2011).

:: I make occasional contributions to heart-piercing kickstart campaigns — like Dark Girls: the movie.

:: I give cash to ladies & gents who ask for it on the street, because desperation makes me nauseas.

:: I donate my time to silent auctions for provocative non-profits, like the Gadfly Theater.

:: I overtip. Almost always. And while that’s not ‘philanthropy,’ it makes my heart unclench the same way.

I wasn’t always in a position to make auto-recurring cash donations.

In fact, it’s a fairly recent phenomenon.

In my younger, care-free, cash-light years, I found free-spirited ways to pour my knowledge, energy, and romantic creativity into the world. (That’s what happens when you spend two years chillin’ with the Dunedin-New Zealand branch of the International Socialist Organization, my friends.)

And I found that the very act of expanding my philanthropic horizons unearthed qualities and talents I never recognized as GIFTS. Till I gave ‘em away. And marveled at the effects.

In the spirit of giving — like a seasoned disco monk — I hereby give to you ::

Wild-Child Philanthropy :: 17 ways to be a patron of the world,
without spending a dime.

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Philanthropy :: for cash-poor hippies

1. Tuck fresh daffodils into people’s bicycle baskets, and under windshield wipers on parked cars.

2. Leave love notes + affirmations scribbled on note cards, in between pages of books at the library.

3. Lead a no-cost class or discussion group on anything that stimulates the electrical currents in your body. Composting. Unicycle maintenance. Jorge Luis Borges. Finger-painting.

4. Score free tickets to a concert. Give them away.

5. Score free…uh, anything. Give it away.

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Philanthropy :: for sensual exhibitionists

Please note :: there’s a fine line between good-natured strumpetry and personal endangerment. Common sense applies. As always.

6. Volunteer at a home for elderly folk. Wear red lipstick. Smile.

7. Offer to pose for an aspiring artist, shutterbug, or group illustration class.

8. Dance with the damsel or dude in the corner. The one with glasses. And a nervous twitch. And an encyclopedic knowledge of Frodo’s Fallohide ancestry.

9. For expert exhibitionists only :: Put on a va-va-voom outfit, and trot your gams in front of folks who look like they could use some good news. Wink inappropriately. Nod knowingly. Brighten the drab city streets, with your devilish wiles. (Try a sensual philanthropy group flashmob. There’s safety in numbers.)

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Philanthropy :: for all-purpose occasions

10. Dish out compliments, readily, exquisitely & with great insistence.

11. Donate used books to the Women’s Prison Book Project. Bookshelves all bare? Organize a book-raiser drive in your ‘hood.

12. Give an hour of your raw brilliance to a struggling company or comrade.

13. Assign a Creative Commons attribution license to selected pieces of your music or visual art. (Structured) sharing is caring.

14. Commit to shaving your head on your 50th birthday, if your fans + supporters pool together $50,000 for your favorite charity, in 50 days. (Note: this might only work if you’re Colleen Wainwright, aka The Communicatrix. But it’s worth a shot.)

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Philanthropy :: for chronic over-givers

15. Offer alternate forms of support that preserve your energetic reserves. They want an original 10,000-word article, unpaid, of course? Offer a dusty jewel from your archives, instead.

16. Give a constructive + illustrative NO to pushy, last-minute-y people. “I’m honored to be invited to speak at the summit, but the tight turnaround time & heavy promotion schedule you described won’t allow me to meet my current client commitments, gracefully. I’ll have to say no.” (Honesty can be philanthropy, too.)

17. Do one pro-bono bonanza per year, and open your doors, inbox and heart to whoever needs your help. For 24 hours, only. And then boot out the stragglers with a pair of steel-reinforced Doc Martens.

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Let’s close up shop with a question ::

What’s the most avant-garde way you could give your time / electricity / skills / renewable creative resources away? Go buck-wild, child.

Extravagantly delicious oil painting by the extraordinary Theo Altenberg.