“Take a deep breath, and just . . . receive what I’m about to tell you.”
Oh boy. Here we go. Tears brimming. Body curling into a fetal position.
“You are worthy of love. You don’t have to DO anything. You have a beautiful heart, you have a beautiful soul, you have a beautiful body. Everything about you is beautiful. You can’t fuck it up.”
Annnnd the tears. Here they come. Why don’t I believe her? Why is this so unbelievable?
Maybe it’s because self-confidence is not the same as self-love.
I’ve got oodles of the former. And less of the latter.
I’m not broken. Just . . . misaligned.
But wait. There’s more.
But first. Rewind . . .
A few days ago . . .
I had an evocative, plunging, purifying coaching call with Pace Smith of Connection Revolution.
I wanted to talk about, like, dating and stuff. Boy problems. Girl problems. Logistical Mars / Venus communication techniques.
I didn’t get what I wanted. What I got instead was . . . an awakening. A spiritual call-to-action.
A conversation that illuminated shadowy patterns, like my tendency to approach every relationship as a tit-for-tat transaction: a zero-sum game. Like my unquenchable quest for praise (& more praise & more praise). Like my deep-seated belief that I am lovable IF — and only if — I do X, Y & Z.
Like I said. Not broken. Just misaligned.
Pragmatism, take a chill pill.
Most of my articles have uber-practical to-do lists, tips & techniques. This one does not. At least, not in a spic-n-span whiz-bam-pow! presentation.
But there’s something I’m trying to convey, and it’s this:
:: Meltdowns are good (I recommend one per season, but that’s just my rhythm)
:: Fetal positions rock (the must-have accessory for every decent meltdown)
:: Uninformed decisions are vessels of power (over-analysis is a momentum-crusher)
:: Investing in yourself has an infinite ROI (’cause your untapped potential is priceless)
And one more thing:
If you’re being CALLED . . . to a vocation, to a city, to a tribe, to drop-out of college, to paint your bedroom aquamarine, to dump the douchebag, to kiss the girl, to buzz your head, to skip the party, to cancel the wedding, to bat your eyelashes, to sink into that hug just a little bit longer than is socially acceptable, to hit the “snooze” button, to take the red pill AND the blue pill, to say goodbye, to make amends, to book the session, to buy the dachschund, to flip the page, to pull the escape cord, to go off-grid, to swim with the dolphins, to pawn the ring, to Tribal Scream, to launch the site, to triple your rates, to burn your business cards, to say “absolutely not,” to say “a thousand times, yes” . . .
. . . answer the damn call. You are worthy of love. And you can’t fuck it up.
Gorgeous and LOVE that you are willing to share your vulnerability.
Makes me love you all the more my darlin minx.
[on a side note the thought of doing what has become my regular 12hr days for another 26 days till launch makes me suspect an imminent fetal position/breakdown of sorts...]
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LOVED this!
favourite part:
“Annnnd the tears. Here they come. Why don’t I believe her? Why is this so unbelievable?”
Are you a mind reader???
I think that you even can fuck it up, and that’s still okay. It’s all part of life.
Love that you wrote this. Thinking about taking more chances with my work. It’s scary on the edge, but worth it..
<3
I am also on the one-meltdown-per-season rhythm. And I’m going to OWN it from here on out. Fab post :)
<3 <3 :)
(Those now look like birthday hats… oh well!)
I love that you're sharing this with all of us. Amazing discoveries. You are beautiful!
Totally needed this today. Thanks for the reminder! And hope you’re doing well, you sparkly goddess you!
This was all relevant and you managed to be humorous delivering some weighty content.
“Uninformed decisions are vessels of power- (over-analysis is a momentum-crusher)”
Yes, Yes, and Yes!
Mmmmmmm I like, like, like this post. Self-love is a difficult little monster of mine. This is a nice post that kinda holds that monster a little, even if you feel a bit wary that it’s gonna scratch ya. I think you’re great, Alex. No, but seriously, I do.
infinite yeses. xo
Well said.
thank god for this.
answering the damn call every day lately. it’s putting me in a fetal position nightly.
passion/love/honesty/honoring isn’t always easy.
but it’s worth it.
right?
thanks for being you.
xo,
rachael
this is a wonderful and welcome writing from you, Alex!! You know what I love? I LOVE that it is now considered normal, in fact *preferable* to work with vendors who show their core soul. How amazing is business in these times?!!!
Can I just say . . . I love y’all. God bless The Internet. Right? Right.
Thanks for this. I totally needed to hear that today.
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You are indeed beautiful, in every way. And Pace is right. Nothing you can do is bigger than you are.
All your doing emerges from your being. Even your “unquenchable quest for praise” has at its heart the sacred need to be seen for who you truly are.
Love, Hiro
Thank you for giving such an achingly beautiful voice to your vulnerability (and mine). You are speaking a collective truth that needed to be heard and witnessed. And yes, everything about you and that is you, is beautiful!
Reminding myself- I can’t fuck it up. Brill- Thank you thank you thank you!
Hey, the day we hung out at LACMA was an inspiration to me ~ I loved it and thought I was so lucky to be hanging out with such an awe-inspiring woman :) Love this post!
Needed this today. Thanks, my love.
This is no minor epiphany! And, thank you for answering the call…
Wide-open delicious! Seems there are calls all over the place these days.
decidedly brill …
as i sit on the verge of my own breakdowns these days, so grateful to read this post. thank you.
Can I give you a hug? (hug) This is good. Crying is good. Getting up and just doing what feels right is good. The peace that comes from that is good.
I’ve found that my breakdowns lead to my best revelations. Whether I cry or scream or do nothing, whatever comes after the storm is always a miracle. (I hope it’s that way for you, too.) <3
Loving this post so very much!
I love to think of the fetal position as the ULTIMATE SELF HUG!! It’s how we call hugged ourselves back when we were floating about in the womb, having a grand ol’ time :)
Really glad I found your blog and excited to learn more from you. Hope you get a chance to take a glance at mine some time…
Thanks for writing xx
I love the fetal position. In fact, i was just musing on the fact that I cannot sleep UNLESS I’m in the fetal position – Freud would have a field day, eh?
Meltdowns, fuck ups, self-love, self-confidence – you’re on the money here. I’m so glad that someone pointed the way to you via my tweetstream today.
This is perfection:
” Like my deep-seated belief that I am lovable IF — and only if — I do X, Y & Z.
Like I said. Not broken. Just misaligned.”
Thank you.
Love, love, LOVE this. Thank you so much for sharing your insights– I think we need to hear things like this more often! We’re told so much that we have to be on top of our shit and have things planned and reasoned to the T at ALL times or else the world will break, and we’ll be a total failure forever. And it’s so unrealistic– NO ONE can function at 100% power and grace every single day. Limitations make us… well, us!
And even with limitations, clearly, we can do some pretty fab work. Like this post! Again, thank you so much for sharing your feelings. And know that stuff like this is part of what makes you so awesome!
awakening. spiritual call to action. the best kind of coaching call… to self-love. you. beautiful you. i love this post, your words, and the transmission that flows through them. thank you.
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S. ORCHARD :: Don’t get scratched. And if you do, call me for an international band-aid shipment.
CRISTI :: Hell. Yes. I prefer genuine tears, unmuted fears and ferocious LOVE YA’s in all my business transactions.
HIRO :: I love the way you gently nudge thoughts into deeper truth.
RACHAEL :: Aw, shucks! That was a swell day. I miss LA. Feeling a little pale and wan.
MISS P :: Anytime. Anywhere.
LITTLE FIRES :: Fetal positions are TOTALLY the ultimate self-hug! Well said.
SAMANTHA :: Lovin’ the limitations. Thank goodness for human boundaries.
JULIE DALEY :: Feels like urrrrbody and their momma wants to coach me, lately! I think I’m becoming the town coach-slut. Get into it.
enlightened piece dear sister. i love you. i think of you. i laugh when reminiscing of our memories together. i send you love from these ancient mountainous hills.
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You are EVERY WOMAN! You admit it, and swim in it, and you drench yourself in life, and you will try to never miss anything worth seeing.Yet, You find it impossible to love yourself completely, yet you seem to really love you?….. You are complicated, and soft. I Love You so much!
Exactement.
Bee-yoo-tee-ful.
Just discovered your blog. And it is instant YES! I’ll be back (not said like Arnold. Said more like …. say, Pippie Longstockings.)
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Very, very nice. You’re mirroring back so much of what I’ve been feeling and writing about this week. So glad to have discovered you!!
I just found this site and I’m so glad I did! I just copied that mantra onto a Post-it that is now hanging from my monitor. Thank you!