Every client relationship involves a pattern of courtship.

Ideally, there’s an initial spark (“helloooo, gorgeous”) followed by a tender trial period (“wooing & dating”) that blossoms into a full-blown love affair (“let’s write a book! Let’s start a commune! Let’s change the world togethaaaah!”)

And just like romantic skirmishes, client relationships can go very, very sour.

Over the past year and change, I’ve worked with 115+ clients on a myriad projects . . . from tagline generation to webcopy revamps to on-air fundraising drives to online community pre-launch promotions.

I’ve also BEEN a client. And how! I hired a career coach . . . a graphic designer and coder . . . a portrait photographer . . . an eco-friendly house cleaning company . . . and most recently, a life-changing laundry service. (I am gradually morphing into a French duke — and seriously diggin’ it.)

Hear ye, clients: I’m about to unload a year’s worth of vocational dating tips to help you become total studs. And worker-bees? Flip these tactics to attract crush-worthy customers of your own.

Be genuinely enthusiastic.

One client starts virtually every email to me with “Hello, my favorite human!” and signs off with “Love ya!” It’s a little wild & unbridled, but gosh darn it — it makes me smile. And when I’m smiling, I wanna work harder & smarter to make HER smile back.

Serve a “feedback sandwich.”

Ever heard of the sandwich technique of delivering criticism? It goes a little sumthin’ like this: compliment > criticism > compliment. And for the deluxe special: spread your sandwich with compassion and constructive instructions.

Be frank. And succinct.

One chickadee adored me, but hated the bios I wrote for her. She could’ve bit her tongue, or danced around the facts. But instead, she said: “they’re just not working for me.” I offered a refund. She said, “no way, José.” Awkward pause. And . . . scene. We moved on to bigger ‘n better shizz. Together.

Don’t haggle. It’s gross.

Aggressively trying to “score” on a first date is crass, weird and a total turn-off. Similarly, trying to “lock down a deal” at the very beginning of a working relationship is a nasty red flag. You’re hiring a professional — not navigating a flea market. Be respectful. If things go swimmingly, and you establish a long-term relationship, THEN you can talk retainers and rate reductions.

If you’re not paying cash . . .

. . . you’d better be a regular grade-A Romeo. A sack of customized chocolate bars and lots of swoony compliments should do the trick. Yep. That’ll work.

Shout it from the rooftops.

If you find a business coach, logo designer, manuscript editor or fountain pen restoration expert who knocks the living daylights out of your socks, tell the universe! Tweet about ‘em. Email your friends. Gush over chai lattes. Stick them in your next digital toolkit or resource guide. Drop their name in a webinar. Be generous and ferocious with your praise.

And when it’s appropriate, tell them, “pst. I just pimped you out to X, Y and Z.” They might surprise you with a cash kick-back, prezzie or cross-referral.

Keep the romance alive.

Gifts are gorgeous. A small token of appreciation can go a long way. Hand-written thank you notes? Bomb. A goofy birthday voicemail? Delightful. Many freelancers never meet their clients face-to-face, so weaving some gentle humanity into the mix is a welcome surprise.

Trust your gut.

Or heart chakra. Or loins. Or wherever you get your clearest signals. Your first impression is usually right. Or at least, right enough.

Got something to add? By all means, Casanova. Do tell.