Monthly Archives: January 2011

“You are not a brat.” – My big brother, elementary school graduation, 1995 “When you start talking, everyone listens.” – Thespian club member, unremarkable afternoon, 2002 “Damn girrrrrl. You smell good. Makes me wanna spend some money on you, or … Continue reading →

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Running the Haus of Franzen Inter-Galactic Empire requires an arsenal of tools . . . as well as French Press coffee, sparkling lime-flavored H20, and home-cooked meals prepared by attractive paramours. In frilly aprons. I can’t dole out hottie houseslaves … Continue reading →

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READY FOR A RIGHTEOUS FACT-SMACK? Right now, as you’re reading these words . . . :: There are 6.8+ billion people on earth. :: There are 182 million websites on the Internet. :: There are 300 – 500 jobs being … Continue reading →

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Lauren Caselli of Living Life Barefoot shot me a shimmery prompt early this morning. Hey Alex, I know you’re prolly busy pimpin’ some prose or lounging in your boyshorts and legwarmers, but I was wondering if you’d consider writing a … Continue reading →

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They call me the Pantsless Wonder. I loathe pants. If it weren’t for indecency laws, perverts and Minnesota snowstorms, I’d scurry about in my skivvies, 24/7. Pants represent restriction. Confinement. Immobilization. Pants are like, The Man, man! I won’t lie … Continue reading →

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Every client relationship involves a pattern of courtship. Ideally, there’s an initial spark (“helloooo, gorgeous”) followed by a tender trial period (“wooing & dating”) that blossoms into a full-blown love affair (“let’s write a book! Let’s start a commune! Let’s … Continue reading →

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Behold! My 2011 manifesto. After much pondering & plodding & cheat sheet preparation, I banged this out in 15 minutes over a (styrofoam) cup of caramel-flavored gas station coffee. When it’s time, it’s time. I AM A neon-green VOLTAIC avenger. … Continue reading →

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