Let’s get sticky-sweet serious, people. When it comes to shaping your online (and offline) image / brand / presence / personality / identity / whatever you wanna call it, sex appeal . . . . . . . . . matters.
It’s not dirty, and it’s not (necessarily) demeaning. It’s just dah Truth. And twisted in with sex appeal is, of course, your sexual orientation.
Branding is all about consistency, so we’re told (& told. & told).
So if your sex life is intrinsically intertwined with your brand, and your brand needs to be rock-solid consistent across every channel, what do you do if your sexual identity . . . . . . . . . . shifts?
Obviously, sexual orientation doesn’t factor (as strongly) in every industry. If you’re a doctor or attorney, your clients probably don’t care (or, shouldn’t care) who you kiss in the morning. But if you’re, say, a travel guide who blogs exclusively about exotic destinations for LGBT vacationers, your audience probably will care where you fall on the Kinsey scale.
Heart-twingy confession. I identify as a lesbian, and have for the better portion of my adult life. But not too long ago, I found myself magnetically pulled towards A Certain Gentleman. Skirmishes occurred. Lips were locked. Crispy Chanukah on a cracker — sound the bi-sexual alarms!
Fortunately, I’ve never presented my freelance biz as “100% gay lady copywriting for 100% gay ladies who are 100% gay! And ladies! And gay!” If I had, my brand might be in hot water.
Still, recent romantic events have set my brain a-bubbling. The result? Four suggestions for surviving a sexual slip & slide, and keeping your entrepreneurial integrity intact.
Use Absolutes Sparingly
The only thing constant is change. When it comes to describing your business — and yourself — use “always,” “never” and “forever” with caution. This goes for sexy stuff, as well as services, mission statements and client criteria.
You might identify as a bisexual woman today, and realize that you’re a transman tomorrow. To draw a not-so-direct parallel, you might be a self-sustaining freelancer today, but find yourself lusting after a cushy corner office gig two years from now. Might not be the best idea to start a blog called “1 Million Reasons Why 9-To-5 Jobs SUCK!!!” Give yourself some wiggle room to shift & switch it up, and don’t leave a virtual paper trail of self-confining statements.
Nip Scandals In The Bud
Whether you’re famous, infamous, or totally unknown, it’s always a good move to self-reveal your twistier doings, before someone else does it for you. Having the first word usually means getting the last word. And laying out the facts, straight-up, is a form of intelligent damage-control.
Craft A Lifescript
Sexual identity hecklers are like pockets of pond scum floating atop the pristine pool of your soul. Y’know the type. The kind of rigid freakazoid who takes great pleasure in saying things like, “Huh. Figures. I always knew you weren’t really gay.”
Punching someone’s lights out is not a Lifescript. (Sadly).
Try this instead: “Studies indicate that sexual preferences can shift over time. My current feelings don’t mean that my past feelings were untrue or invalid. Right now, I’m still a little emotionally tender — so I’m hoping for your support, not snarky comments. I’ll let you know when I’m ready for some good-natured ribbing.”
Chill Out
Relax. Everything’s gonna be fine. Exploring your sexuality is supposed to be FUN — not an entrepreneurial nightmare! The damsel or dude that you’re hooking up with prrrrrobably won’t have any impact on your ability to earn a living & make a difference in the world. And your deep fans — your True Tribe — will love you no matter what.
You can be Erika Moen – the lesbian cartoonist with a husband. There’s actually some really cute cartoons she made about people’s perceptions of her sexuality.
(though honestly the whole idea of “personal branding” shouldn’t have to permeate through things that have nothing to do with what you’re selling. EVEN if it’s queer-related. What business is it who I sleep with?)
Oh mah gooness. It’s like you’re taking my thoughts and transcribing them in your own fizzy, entrepreneurial Alex-language. This is why I like identifying as queer – because yep, my partner is a lady, and I hope we’ll be together for a good long while. But I also get real weak-kneed over Justin Timberlake, for some weird reason. Oh, and it would be VERY hard for me to name even five friends who haven’t had lusts/relationships/trysts that didn’t align with the sexuality they claim. Because life isn’t linear. At all.
I think it’s important, though, for people to be open, when they can, about their gender and sexual fluidity. So thank you for sharing a super-personal detail with your readers. And reminding us to be ever-wary of absolutes. Hugs and good vibes.
So true. I think that sexuality is ever-so-personal. And you’re right…the True Tribe will be here no matter what. Much love, lady.
Brilliant. You are amazing, Alexandra!
TIARA: I adooooore Erika Moen, and still haven’t recovered from the fact that she discontinued “DAR.” Le sigh.
KYLIE: Justin doesn’t do it for me, though I have a permanent space in my heart for the lead singer of Canadian boy-band Soul Decision.
AMY: Glad you’re in MY tribe, m’lady!
CORRINE: Aw, shucks. Thanks for the mush.
Oh my gosh! I sooooo want to send this to one of my best friends who has been hounded, naysaid and knit picked to pieces, for the very same reason!!! THANK YOU ALEX!
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I love this post. We needn’t put ourselves in boxes and staple them shut so we can’t move…people change, things change, identities change. Brilliant!
Love this. LOVE IT!
When I first came out I fell into that trap. If this was true then that was false. End of story. Did everything but wrap myself in a fancy rainbow bow a parade myself down the street yelling I’M A FLAMING QUEER! Now, with the benefit of distance and time (and finding myself and the legitimacy of my perceived orientation the subject of intense debate on one online forum) I can say that I claim gay/queer as both community and political stance – but not as some black/white absolute that defines or limits something as expansive as my heart, mind a body. I tore apart an entire life and family to dismantle one confining box…why on earth would I jump into another one and nail it shut?
But – as someone who has written her life online on and off for ten years – what you’ve said here resonates greatly with me. You share a slice of your reality, but readers often take it as a representation of your entire existence – and when you’re dealing with issues like sexuality it can be tricky indeed.
Right now I’m dealing with taking my own business to the next level, and although I’d much prefer to live with 100% transparency, it’s interesting to figure out just how to represent all the complex facets of a life without painting yourself very quickly into a corner.
Anyway – all that rambling to say you’ve gotten me thinking a great deal – thanks!