Earlier this year, I had the pleasure of doing a little personal branding for Nailah Blades (aka The Polka Dot Coach). She’s a stellar human being — a career coach with a background in strategic planning and the sole proprietor of Safiya Beauty, a line of sumptuous organic body products.

So, when she asked if I’d be willing to help promote her Authentic Happiness Guide — a 4-week coaching bootcamp for women going through a “quarter-life crisis” — I was like, “for shizz!”

Sink down a little deeper in your chair and read Nailah’s stance on happiness. This lady knows what she’s talkin’ about.

The 4 Big Happiness Truths by Nailah Blades

As a life coach, I work every day with people who simply want to be happier. And who can blame them? We talk an awful lot about happiness in our society and how to chase it down. We see examples of happy people and are told the things to do that should make us happier but we’re still left feeling unhappy or unfulfilled. Happiness is a tricky subject but I believe there are Four Big Truths about Happiness that we should all be aware of.

Happiness is Deeply Personal

Expectations suck. And expectations about happiness are even suckier. It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that there is a simple formula that when followed will lead you straight to happiness. But happiness is very rarely dependent upon outside forces. We’ve all seen cases of people who are dreadfully unhappy despite the seemingly great life they lead. Fancy cars and cute jeans and shiny electronics are all lovely things, but if you’re not in touch with what truly makes you over the moon happy, then they’re just expensive distractions.  Moreover it’s a mistake to believe that the things that make other people happy will do the same for you.  Running may make Suzy feel fantastic but it may just make you feel sweaty. Looking towards what makes other people happy or expecting certain things to make us happier is a surefire way to making yourself miserable. Happiness is an innately personal thing. You are the only person who can truly decide what makes your heart soar.

Happiness is a Journey

How many times have you thought “Once I a get a new job, I’ll be happy” or “When I lose 10 pounds, I’ll be happy.” I do it all the time. Heck, I caught myself thinking this way today. The problem with these “if-then” statements is that it takes us away from the present and makes us focus on this mystical future where we will be swan diving into tubs filled with happiness. This is an especially dangerous thought process as it is not usually the arrival at these goals that makes us happier, but the actual process of working towards something bigger than ourselves. What’s more is because we are so consumed with the arriving we lose focus on the now. The present. The journey. We find ourselves constantly racing towards something bigger and better instead of appreciating where we are at this very moment. Instead of thinking ‘When I publish my first book, I’ll finally be happy’ think ‘Being creative is super important to me and incorporating writing into my everyday life makes me happy.

Happiness is Hard Work

Sometimes pinpointing what makes us truly happy can take a little bit of work. You may have shoved what makes you happy so far down that it takes some digging to get it back to the surface. Or you may have told yourself that the thing that makes you happy is silly or a waste of time and to forget about it. But remember, spending Saturdays painting beautiful canvases is not a silly, waste of time if it makes you happy. Tuning into our authentic happiness channel takes a lot of soul-searching and requires you to be honest with yourself about who you truly are but it’s most certainly worth it. Plus figuring out what really makes you tick, helps everything else in your life to fall into place much more easily.

Doing Unhappy Things will Never Make you Happy

This seems like a no-brainer but if you’re honest with yourself you can probably point to a handful of things that you do that make you terribly unhappy. Stop doing those things. They are counter-productive to your overall happiness.

Happiness doesn’t have to be this unobtainable thing looming in the distance. With a little work and a bit of soul-searching everyone can lead a life filled to the brim with happiness. And that’s what we all truly deserve.

Nailah Blades is a Los Angeles-based life coach who specializes in the quarter life experience. She is currently launching The Authentic Happiness Guide, a 4-week workshop to living life authentically, and would love for you to join her. She writes about personal growth, authentic happiness and everyday joy at PolkaDotCoaching and can be spotted on Twitter at @NailahBlades.