Today is my 122nd day of full-time freelancery.
Approximately 112 out of those 122 days have been hip-shakingly, mind-blowingly, eye-poppingly awesome.
But the remaining 10? Oy vey. Massive, puffy-eyed, sobbing freak-out sessions. The kind where you call your mom, when you oughta be calling a crystal healer. Or accountant. Or crystal-healer-accountant.
The maniacal, self-loathing voices inside my head went something like this:
I don’t have enough Twitter followers … I’ll never succeed at anything!
All my bloggy friends are releasing best-selling digital books … why haven’t I written one yet?
I have enough money right now, but what about next month? Suze Orman is gonna yell at me!
I’m a firm believer in the motivating force of a good freak-out session. The key is pushing past the anxious “what-have-I-dones?” to the empowering “so-here’s-what-I’m-gonna-dos.”
Here are 3 tips that clicked for me:
Forget the fucking Joneses.
After picking apart my brain and consulting with my coach, I realized that a ton of my self-imposed stress is about “keeping up with the (virtual) Joneses.” So what if some of my blog pals have a zillion Twitter followers and Facebook fan clubs in Japan? I don’t have to match anyone tweet-for-tweet, friend-for-friend, or product-for-product. I’m running my own game, and in the immortal words of rapper Kid Sister, “ain’t nobody out there making shit / quite like me / quite like this.”
Short-term solutions ROCK.
Sometimes, we overcomplicate matters by thinking too long-term / big picture / far-off-distant-future. Stressing about making your monthly mortgage payment? Get a housemate — even if it’s only for 3 months. Feeling gross and under-nourished? Commit to doubling your H2O intake for 5 days, just as an experiment. Take the intensity out of major decisions by limiting their duration of impact.
Shelve it, soldier.
Sometimes, you simply don’t have all the facts. Too many unknown variables. Every option feels icky. Take a deep breath, and shelve the drama for later. Decisiveness is a beautiful thing, but then again, life is an ever-fluctuating maelstrom of questions. You don’t need to answer every single one of ‘em by 5pm tonight. I promise.
“Keep calm and carry on,” and let your freak(out) flag fly!
Photo via The Binary Box.
I’m always trying to keep the thoughts of Keeping up with the Bloggy-Jones’ out of my mind, too; that is the only negative reoccurring thought I have in regards to my blog (never mind how far I’ve actually come in one year, right? Can never remember to think of those thoughts!)
It’s actually comforting others feel the same way; especially when it’s a blogger I admire, such as yourself! I consider you to be extraordinarily successful, BTW.
RACHAEL: I think pretty much evvvveryone (regardless of their fanbase / success / support network / etc) grapples with occasional “why-do-I-suck-so-hardcore?” demons. Like you say, it’s crucial to grab on to that Voice of Reason (“I’ve been blogging for less than 12 months, and I’m doing just fine!”) and hang on for dear life.
Congrats on 122. I’ve been following you via RSS for a while now and just gave you +1 on twitter too.
(Originally found you via your Danielle LaPorte interview btw).
MIKE: Thanks for the props! And your photoblog is gawgeous, by the way. :)
Why thank you! Feel free to grab any photos you might want to re-use. They are all freely available to the world.
I posted a couple of months ago about how liberating it is to stop keeping tabs on people – industry leaders, peers, competitors, gurus, etc. Just checking out and focusing on your own thing is so simple, but so relieving, too.
I also subscribe to the idea that the freak-out state or its equivalent (for me, it’s Hulk rage) is an excellent place to be when it comes to providing the impetus to make capital D decisions and take decisive action. None of this calm and reasoned consideration of options on offer, just adrenaline-fueled jumping and fingers-crossed believing that the net will catch you.
J. MAUREEN: I would be terrified to see you in a full-throttle HULK RAGE. { Shiver } But yes — moments of hysteria often lead to breakthroughs. Complacency is … meh.
I have a very unhealthy tendency to compare myself to others, but I’m trying to do it less. I’m so much more happy when I focus on my own thing. And I find that repeating “I have enough for now” is very reassuring (whether money, food, or Twitter followers) :)
As well as short-term solutions, I’m also a big fan of the baby step.
Yay – Congrats on the 122 days! I can totally identify with trying to keep up with the online Joneses. I definitely go through the crazy ‘I suck so hard/I’m actually kinda awesome’ cycle every so often. And I love your advice on just shelving it. Sometimes no amount of obsessing about something is going to fix it so you might as well move on.
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I agree with you completely, I do believe an occasional freak out session can be productive and motivational. And a good cry is actually very soul cleansing on occassion. I think everyone is their harshest critic. While it can influence you to push yourself harder and be more successful professionally, it can also cause you a lot of stress and lack of sleep. I used to be a bit of a perfectionist myself, before I couldn’t be for reasons beyond my control. It took me awhile to accept not living in a house that was always spotless, not being able to physically do everything I wanted to, and to learn how to just relax and take the time to just enjoy life and nature. And especially my two wonderful kids! Before I was always running around like a chicken w it’s head cut off trying to do a million things at once. Now, I take a big job and break it up into smaller less daunting ones. I ask for help and try to give help in return. I accept that there are somethings I can’t change no matter how much I stress about them and just put it in God’s hands. I try not to be so critical of myself and others, and I appreciate everything in life more. I find just taking a break to turn on my favorite music, me and the kids dance and sing and act completely silly, and it improves my whole Outlook. Go outside and try and take a walk in the fresh air, and a lot of times that is when I get my inspiration. And doing something to help someone that I know really needs it gives me more joy than any material object ever could. It makes me happy to be able to help someone else, and makes me realize how blessed I truly am that I can help someone else! I believe it has a lot to do with how I was raised, and it’s a tradition I want to pass on to my own kids. And finally like you said, sometimes we don’t have enough information to make an intelligent decision on something. In these situations I either try to find the information or just wait until I get it or just go off my gut instincts. 97% of the time my gut is right! I’ve learned to listen to it and trust it more!
And if all else fails, I don’t let fear keep me from trying something for fear of failing. As long as I’ve tried my hardest, that’s all anyone can ask for or expect. Even me!! And don’t ever compare yourself to anyone else, no one can be a better you. Except for you!!:)