I love it when a fresh month starts out on a Monday … but today is not about love. It’s about HATE. Vile, black loathing. Frothy disdain. Bubbling misery. Spewing, fomenting fountains of RAGE!

Oh, and have a swell day!

Things I Hate Monday ~ 3.1.10:

{ Needing to pee really, really badly when you’re halfway through a 2-hour winter hike around a frozen lake, with no restrooms in sight. Agony! }

{ Seeing a deluxe, handicapped-size Port-O-Potty across the frozen tundra, getting all a-twitter with anticipation, and then entering … only to find that it is the most Horrific, Disgusting & Filthy Public Toilet EVER. }

{ When you’re microwaving a cup of tomato soup, and it pops and splatters absolutely everywhere. Bootleg! }

{ Wasting fifteen minutes of your life plucking microscopic / invisible hairs from the space between your eyebrows, stepping back from the mirror, and seeing no discernible difference. That’s precious webcomix-reading time you’ll never get back! }

{ Mucus-laden colds that ruin your ability to sleep soundly for days on end.  Gah! }

{ Having to turn down luxurious travel invitations (“Beach house in Hawaii!” “Opera at La Scala!” “Casita in Mexico City!” ) due to work commitments / lack of sufficient luxury travel funds / logistical improbability. Boo. Scorn. Hiss. }

{ The fact that certain woeful gentlemen feel compelled to message me via my online dating profile. What part of “Gay Woman Seeking Other Women” is so bewildering? C’mon, fellas. Don’t perpetuate stereotypes about straight male fascination with femme lesbians. You’re better than that. }

{ The rapidity with which an open bottle of tonic water loses its fizz. What am I supposed to do with 3/4 of a bottle of flat, bitter H20? Splash it on an attacking vampire? Whatev. }

{ Not feeling emotionally ready to throw away my hideous fat-man-sweatpants. Yup — the ones that make me feel like the most unappealing loserette in all the land. I might … need them someday. }

{ The high cost of fresh flowers. Twenty-five bucks for a dozen wilted roses with a sprig of drooping fern? Puh-lease. Is there a nugget of solid gold included with the bouquet? There better be. }

{ Getting all pumped and prepared to mail off a fabulous, witty letter … and realizing that you’re out of stamps. Cue: doldrums. }

{ Earthquakes in Chile. Yeah. Perspective is key. }

(Photo via Byron Bay Beaches)