Back by popular demand! It’s your ol’ favorite … the post of pessimism, the entry of ennui, the insert of ingratitude … Things I Hate Monday!!! And the crowd goes wiiiiild …

{ Deep, subcutaneous pimples. I have one right now on my forehead — you can’t even see it, but I know it’s therrrrrrre. I can feel it. Horrible. I’m going to ask my dermatologist to shoot me up with cortisone to reduce the inflammation. Desperate times call for desperate injections! }

{ Craigslist. Can I just say it? I f*cking hate that site. Sure, we’ve had some good times in the past — but these days, I just find it overwhelming and ugly. Too many adverts, too many whackjobs, too many flakes. Go away, CL. And never come back. }

{ The fact that I’m destined to be pet-less for all eternity. Cats make me sneeze, fish are fragile, rodents and reptiles give me the creeps, ferrets are destructive, birds are f*cking annoying, dogs need too much attention, turtles are stinky, and hermit crabs (as Anna pointed out) are basically just big, crunchy spiders. What’s left? Sea monkeys? Rocks? Lint? }

{ When I skim through all my favorite blogs and nobody has posted any new updates for, like, six whole hours! And then I feel like a loser for even checking. And then I check again. }

{ Dull razors. Yeowch. Certain areas deserve fresh blades, no matter the cost. }

{ Being unable to determine what brand of sunglasses Lady Gaga was wearing during her live show in Los Angeles. They were round, thick, black, and kind of cyber-gothic-steam-punk-y. The Internet has been no help whatsoever. I just wanna copy Gaga and stimulate the economy, man! }

{ Sending query letters to magazines. The editors never respond, and I usually forget I’ve even contacted them. Why do I bother? }

{ The mischievous melty weather we’re having here in Minnesota. The icicles are dripping, the roads are thawing … but it’s all a ruse. Another cold front is a-comin’, and then it’s back to subzero temperatures for two more months. Balls. }

{ The tumbleweeds of tangled hair that scatter across my bathroom floor whenever I comb, brush or blow-dry. The fact that I have any hair left on my head is a mystery for the ages. }

{ Running late. Ack! Ack! Ack! Makes me feel like Cathy, and that’s NEVER a good thing. Jesus Christ. Why can’t I just remember that driving to meet friends across town always takes longer than I think it will? }

{ Knowing that I need to clean my chandelier, because the candle holders are completely full of wax. Scraping dried wax is practically the only household chore I detest. I’m willing to pay cold, hard cash for someone else to do it. Anybody wanna make six bucks? }

{ Realizing that I haven’t hosted an afternoon tea party since … 2007! Holy mother of marzipan. Time sure flies when you’re NOT nibbling on dainty cucumber sandwiches! This errata will soon be remedied … }

{ Wicker. I hate wicker so much. So goddamn much. Stupid chairs. Don’t ever talk to me about wicker. F*cking wicker. }

(Photo via Trengove Studios)