Maybe you’re poor. Or extremely eco-conscious. Perhaps you had a traumatic childhood incident involving a searing-hot cookie sheet and a pair of threadbare oven mitts. Or all of the above!

Bottom line: you don’t have an oven. And that’s cool — no judgments here. This is an oven-free, judgment-free zone.

But you still gotta eat. And you’re reading mah blog, so clearly you trust my opinions. Let me tell you what to stuff down your gullet!

Winter Magic Salad of Champions

Shred a head of crisp romaine lettuce and toss into a brightly-colored bowl. Top with pomegranate seeds, slivered almonds, dried apricot, red onion and (if you’ve got one, you lucky bastard) a ripe avocado.

Whisk up a simple dressing: equal parts cranberry relish (you know you’ve got a can left over from Thanksgiving and / or Christmas dinner) or berry jam + Dijon mustard + olive oil + H20. Add salt + pepper to taste.

Toss it up, yo! You know the rest. Makes 3 servings, in my approximation.

Microwave Cake in a Cup

I’ve discussed this before, and I stand firm by my verdict — don’t make this! It’s a Very Bad Idea! Ignore any recipe you see! No one has ever consumed a mug of microwave cake and then gone to bed thinking, “I am fulfilled and contented with my lot in life.”

Soup, Soup, A Tasty Soup*

Canned soup has not passed my lips for over seven years, because I am a supercilious soup snob. But two days ago, I took a bold leap of faith and tried the creamy tomato soup from Pacific Natural Foods. It comes in a recycled cardboard container (like a quart of soymilk) so I can still haughtily maintain my “no-can” record. Can-free since ’03, baby!

Pacific’s soup was so crazy-good, I literally cannot wait to sample all of their flavors: butternut squash, cashew carrot ginger, curried red lentil … dude. It’s madness. And all you need is a microwave, or a fondness for cold soup!

Bircher Muesli

Mix equal parts dry muesli (or plain rolled oats) + dried fruit + diced fresh apple + sliced banana in a bowl — about a handful of each should do nicely. Add a spoonful or honey or agave syrup and a sprinkle of cinnamon. Splash in some unfiltered apple juice — just enough to moisten to oat mixture. Cover and refrigerate overnight.

The next day, scoop some of your marvelously moist muesli medley into a bowl and go to town! If you’re feeling sassy, you can add some tart Greek yogurt. And a mint leaf garnish. Fancy!

So there you go. Who needs an oven? Certainly not me. Or you. Or anyone. Except that’s a lie and I wish my oven wasn’t broken. Oh well. The end.

*Mighty Boosh reference for the cool kids!

(Image via Home Design Find)