Ah, the first day back at work after a dreamy holiday — it’s pretty godawful, ain’t it? Especially when you develop a hideous cold on your second-to-last day of vacation, so that every cell of your mucus-ridden body cries “nooooooo!” at the prospect of plodding toward your cubicle. Stay home and rest? Well, then you seem like a sneaky slacker who wants to extend their holiday with alleged sickness. Even when you really are sick. Really.

UPDATE, 9:50 AM: I decided to stay home and rest after all, because my physical well-being is more important than how my colleagues may or may not perceive my productivity. Hurrah!

Anyway. Look! Some stuff I hate!

{ Being separated from my BFF. I am literally going to weep. }

{ The tedious “oh-I’ll-do-that-later” chores that I’ve been putting off, including a trip to the DMV, getting my oven repaired and paying my snow removal bills. }

{ Dapper shoes that pinch my toes and give me nasty blisters. Grimace. }

{ Ending my subscription the The New York Times. I love my daily paper, but apparently I don’t love it enough to spend $2 a day. Is that pathetic or what? Le sigh. }

{ Opening a wonderful present and immediately thinking, “I wonder how many limbs the child laborer who manufactured this item still has?” }

{ When illness afflicts people who work hard to keep themselves healthy. So not fair. }

{ F*cked up nightmares about math teachers and owls and masquerade balls. Sheesh. No more eggnog before bedtime. }

That’s pretty much it. Not a deluge of hate today. Apparently mucus production dramatically hinders hate production — it must have something to do with oxygen flow to the brain.

(Image via The Tate Online)