In a recent blog entry, I mentioned GLAAD’s annual “Where We Are on TV” report. The report’s bottom line is encouraging: the 2009-10 season boasts a robust number of scripted, recurring GLBT characters on the Big Five TV networks: ABC, CBS, The CW, Fox, and NBC.

Exciting news, to be sure. But while most of my favorite programs (Entourage, Gossip Girl, The Vampire Diaries and True Blood) feature at least one gay man (sometimes even two!) none of them have any gay ladies. For shame.

And so — at least for now — I am left playing The Subtext Game.

Entourage: the only recurring female characters on the show are Ari Gold’s wife and Sloan. Ari’s wife is strident and gross, Sloan is wishy-washy and annoying, and neither of them share any screen time — so unfortunately Entourage is eliminated from The Subtext Game. Next!

Gossip Girl: oh, ho! A veritable treasure trove of subtext. Besides the obvious coupling (Blair + Serena = totally in love but unable to confess their true feelings) there’s the Blair + Vanessa slash. They claim to loathe one another, but methinks they doth protest too much!

The Vampire Diaries: Two words, one plus sign: Elena + Bonnie. Please, CW, make it happen. I beseech thee on bended knee. I don’t care if it’s just an end-of-season ratings stunt, a sloppy drunken mistake, a dream sequence, or the old “alternate universe episode” trick. Whatever it takes.

True Blood: Sookie and Tara already live in the same house, work at the same bar and deal with same problems — like maniacal Maenads and blood-sucking vamps. Tara claims to be enamored of Sookie’s brother Jason, but I reckon her affection is directed at the wrong Stackhouse sibling, don’t you?

(Photo via Rolling Stone)