Something I’ve pondered quite a lot is how tricky it is to identify other lesbians. Well, let me rephrase that — how tricky it is to identify non-stereotypical lesbians.

You see, certain gay ladies adhere to a strict dress code. It usually involves loose-fitting trousers, a wifebeater tank top, sensible shoes, perhaps a necktie for special occasions. Others sport easy-to-spot hairstyles. The buzzcut, the mullet, the frollet. Pretty much any shaggy, short ‘do will do the trick.

I rocked the cliché look for my first year or so out of the closet. It was fun. I felt an instantaneous sense of “belonging,” the way I imagine Goth teens feel the first time they slick on some black lipstick. You see other people dressed like you, and it’s an affirmation that you’re a valid human being. That’s powerful.

Fast forward several years. I have longish hair, get regular manicures, and am growing increasing girly with each passing hour. I love my style, and feel exceedingly self-confident (most of the time). But I worry that other sapphically-inclined ladies are oblivious to my gayness. And vice versa.

So, clearly we need some sort of secret signal to identify one another. A handshake? A handkerchief? A wink? A class ring?

Any suggestions from the peanut gallery? I don’t really want to resort to shaving my head again.

(Photo of k.d. lang & Pudsey the Bear via Celebucrap / Caption by Alexandra Franzen)